After digging to a depth of 300 feet last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 600 feet and headlines in the US papers read: “US scientists have found traces of silica, indicating 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”

One week later, the Irish newspapers reported the following: “After digging as deep as 1500 feet, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.

Customer: “One of my friends gave me an ImageWriter printer and this keyboard. He said he gave me all the cables, but I can’t figure out how to connect them. Am I missing something?”

Tech Support: “Well, a computer would help.”

Customer: “You mean this keyboard isn’t a word processor?”

Tech Support: “No ma’am, its just an input device.”

Customer: “Then I need to buy a computer, right?”

Tech Support: “Yes.”

Customer: “Do you think I’ll need a monitor, too?”

Customer: “My mouse doesn’t work any more.”

Tech Support: “Is it an optical or ball mouse?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Tech Support: “Does it have a ball or light?”

Customer: “It has an light on top.”

Tech Support: “On top?”

Customer: “Yeah. It was underneath before, but it looks better when it’s on top.”

Tech Support: “Ok, try turning it around so the light points down on the desk.”

Customer: “Oh! It works!”

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support

Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There’s a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time.

Patron: No, it’s still there.

Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I’m running late now. [waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn’t ready yet.

Patron: Well, I’m so hungry now, I’ll eat anything. [waiter leaves]

Patron: Waiter! There’s a gnat in my soup!

The check:

Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00

Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50

Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to
play another game?
6. Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now?
(Y/Y)”
7. This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the
world. Please log off.”
8. To “shut down” your system, type “WIN”
9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
10. COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and
press any key.
11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
12.Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
13.Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
14.Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
15. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL
& PAPER.SYS)
16. User Error: Replace user.
17. Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it?
(Y/N)”
18. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software
titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

3 engineers travel on a desert road in a good old ’76 VW Beetle. One is a mechanical engineer, the second one is an electric engineer and the last one is a computer engineer.

The VW Beetle starts making weird engine noises and stops. Then, the mechanical engineer goes back, looks at it for a couple hours and gives his veredict:

“This thing needs a complete overhaul of all friction components, plus the warpage limits of the engine heads are beyond specifications…”

The electrical engineer takes over and starts staring at the engine…after three hours he gives out his veredict:

“This thing isn’t working because the voltage present on the battery is not enough, and the electromagnetic effect of the generator is too low for the car to run correctly…”

The computer engineer stares at the engine bay for 6 hours, looking under the mass of cables, hoses, until he stands up and tells his companions:
“We are doomed. I can’t find the reset button on this thing!!!”

A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs. “The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!”

The employee was a little confused and didn’t know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him…he’d never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders.

So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him. “Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

“Due to lack of maintenance, he read, “we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.”

A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in.When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a Keyboard Error message.She then asks Why did it give me a keyboard error?There isnt even a keyboard attached ?

A new lot of helpdesk jokes

1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer: “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message.”
Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
3).Customer:: “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support:: “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP’.”
Tech Support:: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer:: “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
————————————————–
4).Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
————————————————–
5).Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
————————————————–
6) Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer:: “A white one.”
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7). Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.”
Customer:: “How do you spell that?”
————————————————–
8). Tech Support: “What’s on your screen right now?”
Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.”

————————————————–
9). Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Pentium.”
————————————————–
10). Customer: “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
————————————————–
11).Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
————————————————–
12).Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”
————————————————–
13). Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
————————————————–
14). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24
hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
————————————————–
15). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support:: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
————————————————–
16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and
it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let
me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
————————————————-
17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and
may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?