After digging to a depth of 300 feet last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 600 feet and headlines in the US papers read: “US scientists have found traces of silica, indicating 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”

One week later, the Irish newspapers reported the following: “After digging as deep as 1500 feet, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

‘Why, of course,’ comes the reply.The first man then asks, ‘Where are you from?’’I’m from Ireland,’ replies the second man.The first man responds by saying, ‘You don’t say. I’m from Ireland too. Let’s have another round to Ireland.’’Of course,’ replies the second man.Curious, the first man then asks, ‘Where in Ireland are you from?’’Dublin,’ comes the reply.’I can’t believe it,’ says the first man, ‘I’m from Dublin too. Let’s have another drink to Dublin.’’Of course,’ replies the second man.Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, ‘What school did you go to?’’St Mary’s,’ replies the second man, ‘I graduated in 1962.’’This is unbelievable,’ the first man says. ‘I went to St Mary’s and I graduated in  1962 too.’About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar. ‘What’s been going on?’ he asks the barman.’Nothing much,’ replies the barman. ‘The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

“S’cuse me,” said another bar patron, who was puzzled over what McPherson had done. “What was that all about?” “Nothing,” said the Irishman, “my wife sent me out for a jar of olives.”